How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source

  • Title: How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source
  • Author: Johanna Stein
  • ISBN: 9780738217345
  • Page: 112
  • Format: Hardcover
  • How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source Looking for the perfect book to help you survive childbirth and parenting with your sanity intact Look elsewhere For Johanna Stein writer comedian forward slash abuser and occasionally neurotic immatu
    Looking for the perfect book to help you survive childbirth and parenting with your sanity intact Look elsewhere.For Johanna Stein writer comedian forward slash abuser and occasionally neurotic immature way too candid mom , parenting is an extreme sport Her stories from the trenches may not always be shared experiences Have you ever wondered if your baby s soft spot isLooking for the perfect book to help you survive childbirth and parenting with your sanity intact Look elsewhere.For Johanna Stein writer comedian forward slash abuser and occasionally neurotic immature way too candid mom , parenting is an extreme sport Her stories from the trenches may not always be shared experiences Have you ever wondered if your baby s soft spot is like a delete key Trained your preschooler for a zombie invasion Accused a nearly nude stranger of being pregnant Made sweet, bimonthly love to your spouse while your toddler serenaded you through the adjoining wall Attempted to calm your screaming baby on an airplane with a hand puppet, only to have it lead to one of the most disgusting experiences of your life but they will always make you laugh.So, no, this book won t teach you how to deal with nipple blisters or Oedipal complexes But if you want to learn why you should never attempt to play a practical joke in the hospital delivery room, then you re in the right place.

    • ¼ How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source || ☆ PDF Read by ↠ Johanna Stein
      112 Johanna Stein
    • thumbnail Title: ¼ How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source || ☆ PDF Read by ↠ Johanna Stein
      Posted by:Johanna Stein
      Published :2019-08-26T16:35:17+00:00

    About Johanna Stein


    1. Johanna Stein is a writer director comedian forward slash abuser whose work has been seen in The NY Times, The Huffington Post, Parents Magazine, CBS, PBS, Comedy Central, The Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, The Oxygen Network, VH 1 and all over the Worldwide Internets where her comedy shorts, PSA s, and Yahoo web series Life of Mom have been seen millions of times and no, not all of those were her mom She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, their daughter, and a dog who once ate a couch.


    198 Comments


    1. This might be my favorite book about parenting ever.Now, don't be confused by this title. This is in no way, shape, or form a book about parenting advice. It is a collection of humerous moments from the author's dating and baby birthing/rearing history. And this book is freaking hilarious. I think whether or not you will enjoy this book will depend on the type of parent you are. I am the exact same type of parent at the author, therefore, I loved the crap out of this book. I was nodding and laug [...]

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    2. UPDATE (10/06/2014): Upgrading my rating from 4/5 to 5/5 now that formatting issues on the ebook edition have been fixed. Thank you Johanna for the speedy fix and the opportunity to read this book in its intended format.Original review:“Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.” ― Ray RomanoHow Not to Calm a Child on a Plane is a comic memoir comprised of a series of short stories centering around the authors expe [...]

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    3. Thanks to Heather K. for bringing this book to my attention. Parenting is a tough job. No matter what advice you get, what manuals you refer to, nothing prepares you for taking on the responsibility of that new life. How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source is a fresh, hilarious take on things that only parents can laugh at. Parts of this book made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants. Other parts brought back some blurry memories of [...]

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    4. Disclaimer: I received a free digital copy of this book from NetGalley. My review was not required to be positive. All thoughts and opinions are entirely my own. This review will also appear on , my blog Mediatron (under construction), and NetGalley.Have you seen the picture that's been circulating recently of the 19 pound newborn? Aside from the liberal conspiracy theorist in my head who informs me that this is some elaborate experiment by Hobby Lobby to find an effective form of birth control [...]

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    5. This is the most hilarious thing I have read in a long time! If you are a parent (really, of any vintage), and especially if you are a mother, you can't really miss here. Favorite passages brought back oh, so many memories. The childbirth segments brought back exactly four memories, and the Pitocin drip made me wince with what the trendy folk are calling "muscle memory". And thank you to Net Galley for the free read!Who in the world, besides this woman, would think to save her placenta to use in [...]

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    6. How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane is a hysterical book of essays by Johanna Stein. She tells relatable and humorous stories of trying to raise a child, as well as the changes a marriage goes through when your first have a child. From the perils of entering The American Girl Store, taking a child on a plane, to explaining “privacy” to a 4 year old who keeps walking in on you and your husband , Stein will having your sides hurting from so much laughing. The author is so down to earth, and the [...]

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    7. Review EditAfter writing my review here, on , and on Booklikes as well as sending out to NetGalley letting them know about the crappy ARC, I got a response from not only the author herself but from NetGalley. I was sent a new copy, and was excited when I didn't have to play find the other half of the paragraph!! How Not To Calm a Child On A Plane was much more enjoyable the second time around with all the proper edits in place.After much consideration, I have given this book the extra star that [...]

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    8. bookreviewsbyme2.wordpressThe beginning of this book I found hilarious, but by the end of the book the story had lost much of its charm.The beginning of this book starts out incredibly strong, with the author describing her pre-birth classes and the actual birth process. There were numerous times throughout the first few chapters that I found myself laughing out loud and having to share the funny snippet I had just read with anyone even remotely close to me. The book sort of went downhill after [...]

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    9. This is one of those books which you'll either love, or find just okay and wonder what all the fuss is about. Most of the dichotomy can be put down to the narrative voice, which will resonate with you in either a harmonious or incredibly annoying way, but it also comes down to this: do you want to read another book wallowing in the "I'm a bad mommy" role?It doesn't get into any actual *parenting* till about a quarter of the way in, and that first section went well past TMI and strayed into the " [...]

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    10. "I'm on chapter one and I'm akready madly in love with this book. You know when you first start a novel and immediately connect with the author's voice and you're so excited to go forward because you know its going to rock? That's where I am right now."That was a text I sent my fellow baby having fantastic friend Angela shortly after starting this novel and I have to say, I wasn't wrong. I've read piles of humorous parenting books over the past few years as becoming a parent guarantees you a lot [...]

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    11. I received this book as a First Read winner.How Not to Calm a Child on A Plane is the funniest books I have had the enjoyment of reading. Johanna Stein tells a great story of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. This is not your everyday "Mommy" book. She is real. Life is not perfect. Mommies lose their minds a little and things do get pretty funny. Her story was funny, relatable, and the a great pick me up for when you think you might not be the perfect parent. This book made me laugh so hard [...]

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    12. Hilarious take on the trials and tribulations of having a baby, raising a girl, maintaining a marriage and keeping your sanity! This is a laugh out loud I've-been-there collection of thoughts. Especially enjoyed the footnotes and the chapter explaining the many life lessons learned by dating the wrong men.

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    13. Susceptible as I am to mom-lit right now, this just wasn't funny. The author writes for sitcoms, and this never rises above that level. I give it one star, or two and a half men.

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    14. 4 stars for hilarity and an extra star for the Winnipeg references. The Palomino Club still exists.

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    15. How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane by Johanna Stein is a highly recommended and hilarious look at parenting young children.Through 25 chapters and two appendices Stein will have you rolling with laughter and occasionally groaning with disgust in How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane. This is a look at having that first child and then parenting through the first few years. I firmly believe that you need to have had a child before reading this book. At that point you are going to fully appreciate mos [...]

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    16. Has your child ever said to you, “Mommy, your tummy looks like a bagel”?I don’t think I have ever laughed so often and hard at any book I have ever read. I would absolutely want to be friends with this woman, because I think she would make my parenting adventure just a little bit less uptight. As a mother of small children, I could relate on a personal level to something in every chapter; and even the situations that I could not imagine myself in, Johanna Stein brilliantly crafted the even [...]

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    17. INITIAL THOUGHTSSo occasionally I do read more than one book at a time, though I always try to make them totally different genres to prevent confusion. So this is one of those books, approaching this I fancied a "fun" "lighter" read. What did I expect from the book? I expect some humorous tales about parenting REVIEWI downloaded an e-copy of this one from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.So basically this is exactly what I thought it would be a collection of humorous stories that happe [...]

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    18. (originally published at nomadreader)The basics: As the title indicates, How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane is a humorous parenting book. It's a collection of essays and anecdotes My thoughts: I tend to shy away from straight advice books about parenting, as I did when we planned our wedding, started trying to get pregnant, got pregnant, and now are approaching parenthood. Advice-filled parenting books will likely find a place in my reading life once I know my child and his particular issues, b [...]

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    19. Bang-on funny! Whether you have a child or not, How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane will have you rolling in the aisles - of an aircraft or elsewhere! You will finally read ALL those things you have often thought about children (and their parents) but have been reluctant to voice. Be forewarned that Ms. Stein's humor is not for the faint-of-heart - you will be hard-pressed to find a more honest, direct, and head-on comedic observer of the human race (and other races, too) than this author. Reader [...]

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    20. I'm putting this book in my 'so funny' shelf because I think if I had read it when my kids were little it would have truly felt so very funny. If I had been living in the same headspace as Johanna Stein the scenes she describes in this book would have made me laugh and giggle and then call my friends to read them over the phone but really I'd be laughing so hard they'd wonder why I had ever called, if I was just going to call them and laugh without stopping.So it is absolutely that kind of book, [...]

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    21. "As Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) points out, "These stories will make milk shoot from one of your nostrils and a martini from the other. Johanna Stein brings to mind the unflinching honesty and compassion of Nora Ephron." Looking for the perfect book to help you survive childbirth and parenting with your sanity intact? Look elsewhere. For Johanna Stein, parenting is an extreme sport. Her stories from the trenches may not always be shared experiences-have you ever turned a used airplan [...]

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    22. This book is comprised of essays on such parenting topics as birth, travel, playgrounds, pink princesses, haircuts, and ER visits. But I have to be honest - reading these everyday topics from SUCH a hilarious point of view somehow makes parenting, well, more joyful. Stein writes so well of these sorts of crazy yet normal occurrences that we laugh, smile, and devour more of her words. Set aside a chunk of time to read this book, and forgo your exercise for the day – you’ll get plenty of ab wo [...]

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    23. This is a fun collection of essays about the author's relationship with her daughter. Call me dense, but I didn't realize until I started reading that this is all about parenting (you will note that attention to detail is not on my list of unique abilities). I am currently (and possibly permanently) childless, but I had no trouble relating to the stories. I love Stein's voice and laughed out loud more than once.Stein's portrayal of her daughter is hilarious. One of my favorite chapters is just a [...]

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    24. Hilarious! I laughed so much reading this book. Johanna Stein hits the mark with her wit and humor over even the most mundane times of parenthood. There were a few stories that had me really laughing out loud ( I am not just saying LOL). The title story How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane will have you squirming and thanking God it wasn't you. I have lived through The Binky War Diaries. Oh, I remember those well. And all moms (and dads) will know exactly about Lies I Have Told My Daughter.I enjoy [...]

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    25. Quite easily the funniest book that I have ever read, ranking ever so slightly higher than Tina Fey's Bossypants. I spent so much of the book laughing out loud that it was noticeable and bothering my husband and my coworkers. If you are the type of Mom who is sick of the constant comparisons, the over complicated advice, the pretending the like other Moms this is the book for you.Oh and great shout-out to Steve from Blue's Clues! If that isnt enough to make you want to read this book, then I don [...]

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    26. Johanna Stein has written a highly relatable book on her experiences in parenting and I laughed out loud several times at her observations and exploits. Not a handbook, this instead serves to make other parents feel a little better about the daily rollercoaster of child rearing. I especially sympathized with her aversion turned coveting of the American Girl Doll. The short chapters and funny anecdotes make this a quick and enjoyable read. I received this book through NetGalley in exchange for an [...]

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    27. An overall entertaining view on parenting. For those who are sick of advice and how-to's from so called experts, this book provides a look at parenting for all those who aren't and have no intention of becoming squeaky clean just by virtue of becoming parents. Reassuring for those who might worry that they will lose themselves or their sense of humor due to parenthood. Review copy provided by Netgalley.

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    28. This book was pretty good. I loved the humor of her everyday situations. Even though when I read this book, I didn't (read: currently don't) have any kids, I felt like I connected with the author and her "struggles". Some parts of the story made me literally laugh out loud. This was a wonderful quick little read to keep the time passing by. I would recommend it to anyone who wants an easy read with some great laughs.

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    29. This book was SUCH fun! It’s fresh. It's impossible to pigeonhole this as a "mom-lit" book, it's so much more! It's a brilliantly off-kilter “momoir” about growing up in Winnipeg, a child of hippie pot-smokers, and what happened after she had “unprotected sex” with the guy she lovingly calls You Sappy Bastard. And you know you so rarely see a floating dead guy in a “Mom Book.”

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    30. Thoroughly entertaining, honest, and, weirdly, sappily, forgiving. Forgiving of herself and others.I laid on my back and read it. I laughed so hard I figured it counted as my abs workout for the day. Best workout I've had in a long time.I got this from a giveaway, and I'm feeling lucky.

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